I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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