Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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