you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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