I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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