Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
