brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my poor anus
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
