I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize