you would pick up someone in the library
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
