I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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