i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
