and you said cock pushups were impossible
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
