Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
