He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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