I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
