apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
