Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
