I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
