I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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