her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
