Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
not ubering you a puppy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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