You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
