i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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