I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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