i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My hand turned me down
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he shaved USA in his pubs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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