I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
