Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
