can u get pink eye on your cock?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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