Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize