You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
