Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
