He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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