I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize