I just threw up on my dentist
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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