ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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