So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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