If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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