I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize