New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
