You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This toilet bowl is my home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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