worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize