So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
