Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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