In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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