Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
