Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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