32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
