That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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