I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
