It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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