if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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