yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your penis caused this!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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