I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
