I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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