i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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