my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
