She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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