so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
