So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
