According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
