Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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