You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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