what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Boobs are out for the taking
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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