Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
