omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He has the fingertips of a God
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
