if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
