i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
