She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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