If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He passed out mid-signature
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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