There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
