I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
