i just google imaged poop.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hippo gnu deer
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
