Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
