Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
