Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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