The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
