in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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