last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
