I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
