I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize