I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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