i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
