This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize